S9E7 - Navigating Love in Atlanta: Emotional Intelligence, Creative Passion, and the Future of Dating Apps!! #ShitHappens

Picture this: navigating the whirlwind of dating in Atlanta while juggling a creative passion and a full-time job. That's where our journey begins, with personal stories that uncover the profound intersections of emotional intelligence, self-discovery, and the complex dance of dating. Joined by the insightful DJ, a passionate advocate for love and relationships, we share transformative experiences that redefine success and happiness. From the pressures faced by podcasters to the intricacies of dating in a vibrant city, we explore how community support is vital in this creative odyssey.

Curious about how emotional intelligence can transform your dating life? We introduce the concept of integrating tests for mental compatibility into dating apps, offering a fresh perspective on fostering authentic connections. Through candid discussions, we address the frustrations of deceptive online personas and the crucial role of self-reflection before diving into new relationships. By understanding emotional and sexual compatibility, we uncover strategies to enhance transparency and awareness in dating experiences, helping to navigate the societal pressures that often lead to hasty decisions and high divorce rates.

In an era where financial ambition and lifestyle compatibility are often misunderstood, we challenge traditional narratives. We discuss the importance of aligning personal goals and aspirations with those of a partner, advocating for self-reflection and therapeutic growth. Highlighting innovative dating app features and an exciting upcoming dating game show, we invite listeners to engage in a celebration of love, healing, and accountability. Join us as we honor lost loved ones and cherish the power of community in our creative journeys, promising an episode filled with insights, reflection, and meaningful connections.

To Get In-Touch with Dj Robinson - https://linktr.ee/playing4keepsapp

Chapters

• 0:02 Journey of Self-Discovery Through Love
• 8:14 Dating App Tests for Self-Awareness
• 15:28 Discovering Self and Relationship Needs
• 23:55 Navigating Relationships and Self-Worth
• 35:06 Dating App Features and Game Show
• 49:53 Healing and Accountability in Dating
• 56:37 Remembering Lost Loved Ones

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Oh yeah, I was doing a lot the most. And he had a psych class and in this class they had to take an emotional intelligence test to see kind of where they were. I took it and then I was like, ok, you should take it, because I mean you, because I started understanding. Ok yeah, you could be smart, like on a logical level, like on an iq level, but your eq could be super low and that's what I used to think of him back then. Now I think everything is low now that I've grown. But, um, you know, and that's how it kind of started.

Speaker 2: 0:38

And then, um, shit happens to you and me it doesn't matter if you're a wizard, a king or a queen, even if you are magic, you've got to agree it's worth it to talk shit out, no matter how messy Shit happens Shit happens.

Speaker 3: 1:26

just an f this episode was recorded February of 2024, and it is now February of 2025. But, figured, it's still worth sharing, especially now being February, the month of love. Now being February the month of love, I feel like this episode is worth a listen for the perfect month of February. Enjoy.

Speaker 2: 1:53

We are back for another shit happen. Yo, this week has been wicked. I'm ready for tomorrow, because tomorrow I am literally not going gonna do shit because I am tired. I don't know if you can tell it. Somebody called me and they're like yeah, I don't like this energy you're giving me. This is not the energy I'm used to. So call me when you're back to life, because I that's how much I feel like my energy has been drawn.

Speaker 2: 2:24

But I could not reschedule this because we are about to talk about one of my favorite things and that's dating and love. And you know it's February Valentine's was just a few days ago and I have the right person to have this conversation with. And it's funny because we recently just connected on instagram, like literally two days before the atlanta pod meet up, and then I went to podcast and I came back. But I already fucking love this girl, like I fucking support everything she's doing and hopefully she'll show up to the atlanta meet up in february because she may meets me in January so that I can finally see her, because how the fuck are we in Atlanta? We're not seeing each other, right? So let me go ahead and bring on DJ.

Speaker 1: 3:14

Welcome to shit happens hey, I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for inviting me oh, definitely, definitely.

Speaker 2: 3:23

thank you for saying yes, cause I know I know initially I was the one supposed to be coming to your podcast, but you know how shit happens. But I am definitely coming to yours because I have stories Like I have stories.

Speaker 1: 3:37

I want to hear them, so I'm excited. How are you doing, baby? My week has been hell too, actually. I've had a pretty tough-ass week, so I am happy it's Saturday After our podcast. I'm fucking going to sleep too.

Speaker 2: 3:56

And it's funny because everybody we've interacted with this week they're like yo, I'm just glad the week is over, yo, I'm just glad I made it to the week. It's been one of those weeks where it just drained you with the workload, personal shit, life, family, friends, community, whatever. There's something that just drained the fuck out of you.

Speaker 1: 4:18

At the same kind of week.

Speaker 2: 4:21

But you just had your. I believe you just had your Valentine events. Right, wait, say that one more time. But you just had your. Um, I believe you just had your valentine events. Right, wait, say that one more time. You just had your valentine's event, didn't you have an?

Speaker 1: 4:31

I didn't no, so I wasn't able to throw a valentine's event this year, which I hate, but I'm getting, I'm getting set up. So I got another partnership with uh, the jb's bar and grill in forest park. I'm gonna be doing weekly singles events, so I'm gonna make up for that. But no, this, no, like this week was hell. Like I'm glad I didn't, because just I'll have a child too, so just all of that, just it was. It was a bad week it'd be too much.

Speaker 2: 4:59

It'd be too much it do and people forget that we, as podcasters or content creators, we're still not making the money. People assume we are everything we are doing by ourselves. We are creating that we can finally start making the money, but that process is raining. To have to show up on something that's not giving you back financially but you gotta put in so much finances into it.

Speaker 1: 5:27

Oh my god, girl, you, you, girl. Yeah, that's something that I'm going through right now and kind of like what you said everybody think that you just have it and it's like I'm not there yet, not yet, so it might look like it.

Speaker 2: 5:40

I just put a lot into it, like I gotta work a fucking job that I don't like so that it can support all the shit that I wanna do, so I can end up doing them and have them support me like it's a whole process. So kudos for you, because I know you have a full-time job, you have a child and you do this and you do it amazingly because you're all over my social media and it takes a lot. It does. So watch yourself, Watch yourself. We see you, we acknowledge you and we are proud of you and in any way that we're going to support you. I got you, girl. You know that I do so. You have a dating app and you're all about love.

Speaker 3: 6:20

Yes so.

Speaker 2: 6:20

I'm curious as you yourself, because you get to interview people, so I don't think you get to share your story as much. I want to get into your dating life and everything, but I also want to get into your dating life in Atlanta, because, god, I know how dating can be in Atlanta. So what was your process until you decided, like fuck it, I'm going to make my own dating app, because you got to go through shit for you to decide you do so I'll share a little bit of my story.

Speaker 1: 6:52

I'm not dating right now, like I had to take a pause because I'm still kind of going through my own like self-discovery journey. It's been some years now, but I'll kind of go into how the app came about, because it's a long, long story. So, um, I had this.

Speaker 1: 7:09

I had an ex who we all had one of those I had an ex who really he, he, he, he rung me through the ringer we'll put it that way like, but during the relationship, um, I would try to get him to take different um tests, like love language tests. Um, there was an emotional intelligence test.

Speaker 2: 7:31

I tried to get and he was being bad, because I'm trying to imagine a black man trying to to get to do them tests and he didn't do not near one girl, not near freaking one, right?

Speaker 1: 7:43

um, he didn't do it. And then eventually it got to the point where he ended up breaking up with me and, um, this breakup hurt it really bad because I was somebody in the past that made myself super resourceful, so that means I poured myself into relationships and then, once I got tired, I moved, moved on. Like nobody ever broke up, right? Nobody ever broke up with me per se, but this guy did, and it forced me to kind of look at myself. So I started digging into different things. I learned about attachment theory, learning about emotional intelligence, learning about all of these things and what ties back to the dating app was yo, it'd be dope. Back to the dating app was yo, it'd be dope.

Speaker 1: 8:29

My first initial intention was yo, it'd be dope if I can trick these dudes into taking these tests because they were not taking it. I was like it makes sense Put it on a dating app. They have to match with somebody in order for you to even message that girl that you, like you, got to take a test. She needs to know where you at mentally. So that was my first intention. But then, as I grew and as I learned more about emotional intelligence, attachment theory, my own toxic dating cycles, why I picked the men that I picked all of that stuff, that intention grew into wanting to help other people become more self-aware of their toxic dating traits and the podcast came about and now that's my goal now, not just trying to trick me into I would have loved to see, to see you accomplish that because, boys, this, every time you start talking like I, I know there would be like one in a hundred who would take the test, but trying to get a hundred, right now.

Speaker 1: 9:33

But I'm like I know if a dude want to match with a girl, he'll take a quick test and if you make it interesting with scenarios, they'll do it. So that was my original idea. But, yeah, trying to get that guy that I was dating to take different tests, it was a hell. Nah, uh, I think one of the love language tests I showed him it was like pink and whatever, and he was like this is like some girly ass shit it was. It was just really so. No, I wasn't successful.

Speaker 2: 9:59

Um, because you remember back in the days when this was, when I actually used to buy magazines, those gossip like us weekly and everything, and you always look forward into those tests, right, every guy would be like, oh, you're doing that trashy magazine test, aren't you like, oh, is that from that trashy magazine?

Speaker 2: 10:22

yes, I remember that so what got you, like, into getting your dude to do tests like why did you want to do this test with you? Like because not a lot of women are out here trying to have these men do some? Yeah, in relationships we do this test, right so the test, the first test, came about.

Speaker 1: 10:40

So for the dude, I was actually doing his college school work and it was um right and it was a yeah, I was doing a lot the most.

Speaker 1: 10:55

and he had a psych class and in this class they had to take an emotional intelligence um test to see kind of where they were. I took it and then I was like, okay, you should take it because, I mean you cause I started understanding, like, okay, yeah, you could be smart, like on a logical level, like on an IQ level, but your EQ could be super low, and that's what I used to think of him back then. Now I think everything is low, not that I've grown, but, um, you know, and that's how it kind of started. And then, um, I was talking to my sister I hate to put her out there like that.

Speaker 1: 11:33

I was talking with my sister and she ended up having a situation where she ended up taking it and, um, she thought her EQ would be super high and it wasn't. So she was talking to me about a particular situation that happened to her personally, and then it just clicked Like it would be dope if I could create a data nap that incorporated these different, um, these different tests so people can know where they are. So it started off with just the emotional intelligence one, and then it grew into love languages and then it grew into attachment theory and then it grew into. I also have a sexual compatibility game also in there as well, so people can kind of see where they're at sexually and where the people they're matching with are at sexually too, because I'm big on that, like if you went to bdsm and you went to. So I need to know beforehand, know what I'm saying. Let me see if we that's just my opinion.

Speaker 2: 12:26

If you go both ways, let me know I don't want to be halfway already into you.

Speaker 2: 12:30

then you're coming with me with some bullshit, because baby, right, you know what I'm saying this is I tell men, I'm going to screw the fuck out of you for wasting my time, like, put it out there, like I'm like it's not even a bullshit, right, aren't you white? First of all, I want to say you should have gone to his fucking university, school, whatever, and asked for a degree Because you graduated. On behalf of that motherfucker, I'm just saying that was your guy, that was your guy Right.

Speaker 1: 13:01

That was my damn degree, at least for the first year, I think. He ended up up he went for a bachelor's. I think he ended up only getting an associate's because I think I helped him for the first full year and then, after um, he broke up with me. That was, of course, that's what he was trying to get me to do, but it was just like no.

Speaker 2: 13:18

But yeah, yeah, he got his helper was no longer there like he was doing all the work. So, but but also um and true, why? Because I know these men lie. Even in this dating app I've encountered people who I read their bios and they're talking about I'm ready to settle and shit. And then you meet them and they're like okay, I want to take it slow, I'm not ready, I'm excuse me, that's not what your bio literally say, like I wouldn't have come out if I knew you were still not sure.

Speaker 2: 13:49

Or I would have come to the mindset of oh, I'm just going to go have fun, but you know so, aren't you like? Weren't you concerned that they're still going to lie on the stairs just to get, especially on the sexual side? You know how men want to game on on a on a level instead of actually being truthful, so you can get a partner who can, absolutely I agree.

Speaker 1: 14:10

So, on the on the test that I have there, there's different scenarios, so it's and some of the scenarios are kind of tricky, where you can't just lie and then you'll automatically get, like this great score of like. Okay, let's say for the anxious, um, attachment theory, uh, compatibility game. Um, you might be thinking you answering all the right questions, all the right ways to the questions, and then you don't come out with the oh, I'm a securely attached person. You might come out with, oh, you anxious, and with anxious people, they'rey they do crazy ass shit in a relationship Like you. So there's no point of lying like on my app because you don't know where the answers will fall. Um, unless you know about attachment theory, unless you know about emotional intelligence, which most of them don't.

Speaker 1: 15:04

Right, you will screw yourself, okay?

Speaker 2: 15:09

And you'll get a test and you'll be like what the fuck? Right, you know what I'm saying. You're fucking lying.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Right. So yeah, it wouldn't be smart to do that, Not on mine anyway.

Speaker 2: 15:22

I like that you incorporated the emotional attachment, because these are real things that people really don't talk about them. And even when you talked about taking time off, my last ex like I have gone on dates, I have had situations, but to say I've been in a relationship. I haven't been in a relationship since 2020. When I broke up with my ex and, um, because I kind of jumped into something and then I realized I'm not ready and I was gonna go end up cheating because my ex started hitting me up and I was very comfortable entertaining him. I was like I'm too grown to be cheating and doing all this. This just shows that I am not ready. And that's when I started to be like let me just work on myself and take a step back. Like I can find boys to have fun with, but right to just be in a. Yeah, I was like I'm not ready and and now that I've finally done some work, I'm like you have to be something extra special for me to even actually entertain being in a relationship with you.

Speaker 2: 16:23

Because I've done work, I know what I fucking want and I think that's the beauty of actually taking time off, because again, back in the days, I used to just jump from relationship to relationship because I didn't. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't like that sort of being alone, very similar, um, yeah. So it was like to the extent that you don't even know, even if you're living this relationship and even if this man done some shit, something is also not working with you, for you to constantly be in a relationship where you're constantly not in those relationships. I was like I always blame it on them.

Speaker 2: 16:59

But I also have to point the finger and look in myself. Like what do I actually want? Do I even know what I want? Or because the guy was cute and he said the right thing, right, the dick game was good, and now I'm in this shit because you know, I mean, stigmatize is a real thing. Yeah, I'm just saying so. I needed to cut that circle and really work on myself to be able to know who am I, what do I want out of a relationship with somebody, and to also be comfortable being alone, because I think sometimes we jump into relationships because we are not comfortable being alone. We don't like being alone and people, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. People assume, just because you're alone, you're lonely, bitch. No, I like my company, like I, rather be by myself than be with, because you can be with somebody and in a group of people and still be lonely because they're not the right people for you absolutely you hit something on the nail.

Speaker 1: 17:58

I know for me, like I was in like long-term relationships, like the different relationships I had, but I didn't know my why. So I thought I knew what I wanted, because society will tell you okay, this is what you should do, this is what you should want, and then I never discovered why I wanted those things. So that's kind of why I'm still on my break, too is because, okay, I want this long-term relationship and then I gotta dig into the why, like why do I want it? And for me it's really learning, like about myself. Okay, I'm business oriented, so I want somebody who's also business oriented. I need somebody who's somewhat at least somewhat ambitious, because you can't at first I thought I wanted somebody all up under me. Now I know I don't want that shit, experiencing that you know what I'm saying Right, right, and I had to learn that the hard way too.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Like thinking like that's probably the only type of man I could be with and it'd be a long-term relationship. So really ironing out like not just your want but then also your why as to what you want, and then just trial and error and really nailing down what you need and then just going to find that person. So eventually I'm going to get back out there in a dating scene, cause I know everybody keeps talking about how hard it is, which it is but it's trash.

Speaker 2: 19:19

It's trash, but that doesn't mean you should stay with somebody who's not right for you.

Speaker 2: 19:24

I know that you'll be out here then speaking to somebody just because out here, is that? But your why is really important. And I was telling people like my friends, when they come to me and they're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm this age and I'm not married. I'm 35 and I'm not even thinking about marriage because you, you, you have to be very because marriage is tough, relationships are hard. I'm not gonna be quick to jump into a marriage when we can't even figure out relationships. So when people come to me and tell me, oh, I want to get married, and I ask them why? Oh, because I'm 35 or because it's the time, no, then you shouldn't be getting married.

Speaker 2: 20:03

If that's your why you want to get married right that's not gonna work, because anybody who's gonna come and propose to you you're just gonna say yes, even if they're not the right person for you. And I think that's why we have so many divorces going on, because people will get married. Because society says you go to school, you find your person, you get married. But sometimes it's not even your person, because you're just dating them and you're just waiting for that ring. Like, oh, I've already invested three years so I should get a ring. No, and then, oh, because of the society.

Speaker 2: 20:37

I remember when my friends started getting married, right, they were always welcome to the club, all these welcome to the club. Now you're in the club. So now we all want this feeling of belonging somewhere, right, that's why we joined communities, podcasting communities, that's why we joined all these things, because there's something about belonging in a community or a club. So everybody wanted to jump into the wifey club, the husband club. So people are getting married, literally. You're getting married today and then the next week your husband is in my DMs and you're out here telling people proudly I'm married.

Speaker 1: 21:13

Yeah, see, see. And that's people who are desperate in that way and this is something I had to learn for myself Like you're desperate to be in a relationship and you get into this relationship and people dragging you through the mud as well. Some people will stay just to save face. You know, that's something I also had to get over for myself, like relationship was straight trash and just stay for a long time.

Speaker 2: 21:39

Exactly yeah, because they don't want to be alone. You know comfortability we get so much comfortable we. We like the lifestyle, we like the routine, so you don't want to disrupt that. There are people they also used to like oh my god, if I leave, I have to pay everything by myself, especially people already living together and things are half. So they're thinking no. Also because we had, for those people who go, my, we had so much shame in divorce, right, but in the beginning especially me coming from africa like there's a lot of shame if you get divorced. So people also scared to live because, oh my god, people are gonna think I failed because I'm getting divorced.

Speaker 2: 22:17

I'm a fail, so I really don't blame them. But that's why I like when we have this conversation so people can be like yo, fuck that society, fuck whatever. Do what's best for you, because at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with yourself. And I realized once I started working on myself, I realized how much important and how much I enjoy being in a peaceful state of mind. Once I ended up I was was like nobody's coming to disrupt my peace. I don't care who you are like and when you're in that place, nobody can faze you. But then you also.

Speaker 2: 22:51

You also did mention something about um, knowing your why and finding your person. I always tell people because, uh, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I've been blessed that most of my exes were very financially incredible, but that didn't mean also they were not assholes. So that's what I thought was like I'm not sure if I really want a person who's already rich, because they kind of treat you like and they want to take credit for every little thing they help you, even though it's coming out of love, or anything. Take credit for every little thing they help you, even though it's coming out of love or anything. And I also don't want, like I was saying, people I don't mind dating somebody who's broke because I am not there yet, but as long as they have the mentality of hustling, of wanting a better life. Because I want a big life, like I want to be traveling the world and living large and everything.

Speaker 2: 23:40

so if you're not wanting that lifestyle, don don't come and talk to me please, because I don't care right now where you are. I care about where you want to be and what you're doing to get there At that part, what you just said, what you're doing right now.

Speaker 1: 23:55

I remember I was talking to another guy who you know was talking about how women nowadays don't want to deal with the man who's broke or who's quote, unquote building. But I know one mistake that I would make. I would get with guys with the kind of like, with the mentality I don't care how much money I make, I'll just stand the third. And I would get with these guys and they would say, oh well, I want to start a business, I want to start real vague stuff. And then me I would jump in and be like, well, this is what you do. And then I'm building the boat and they're kind of sitting back not doing anything, like the guy really needs to be, he already needs to have momentum, like don't get fooled by that. And then on top of that, we can all dream about.

Speaker 2: 24:38

I want to do this. I want to do this.

Speaker 1: 24:49

But what are you doing to do that right? And I know a lot of women, me included, in the past, like I had this issue with. I have to prove myself, because that's what I thought love meant. You know, for you, to prove that you can be this, you, you, the, you, the top girl who can pull all the resources to do all the things. And then, in reality, it's that that man wasn't looking for that for real. You know what I'm saying? Not in a relationship aspect. So that's something else I had to learn too, like to learn to just sit back and just be and be myself, and not be myself in a way of just overdoing that's what I saw, a post recently that's saying anybody who comes out of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, should go to therapy before they date somebody.

Speaker 2: 25:30

And I think that's true because we really need to look into ourselves to understand and see what we need, because sometimes the things that we were doing was the reason that these men were acting out, because we were letting them be like that without ourselves knowing. So it takes working on yourself to have these realizations. Oh shit, I was doing this. Oh shit, I did this. Like, um, I have a friend and not to put anybody's business out there, but I have a friend right and she's a hustler like me and her. Whenever we meet her, like, yes, we'll go sleep, we'll, we'll catch up, we'll have a good time, but we'll always talk business and give each other ideas and collaborate. She puts me on, I put her on, like our conversations never end without that. And then there was this guy who kind of they're kind of working it out and you know the guy was saying what he wanted to do, but he wasn't doing shit to do that. And this guy likes to travel. She has been to Greece, she goes here, she goes here, she leaves the country. This guy has never even left the state and all these things right. And he would say wants to do this, this, this. And the girl would literally help her, like okay, I got this, you want to do this. And you say no, not today, no, not today. So she ended up chucking the dude, right. But me and the dude are also friends. So one time he came to me and I was like you know what, sometimes it's okay to understand.

Speaker 2: 27:01

No matter even if you like that person or you want to date the baddest chick or the hottest guy, if your lifestyles don't match, it will never happen. You can't even leave the city. He wants to travel the entire world, right, every birthday vacation, we plan trips. You can't even do that. Do you think your lifestyle is too much? She's constantly on the go, hustling, trying to make life, and you you go to your 9 to 5, and then you're home smoking your weed, playing games. Ain't nobody doing that. I'm like, look, and that's okay, there's nothing bad about that. Just look for a girl who's less ambitious, who that will match your lifestyle, right? That's why even I hated when guys would say, oh, she's a gold digger. No, she wants a man to take care of her and she has the right to choose that lifestyle. Just because you don't want to do it or you can't afford to do it, doesn't mean just leave.

Speaker 1: 28:02

Go to a girl who's in your lifestyle in your lane Right because, despite what social media is saying, there's plenty. There's all levels of females out there.

Speaker 2: 28:14

And I, yeah, we'll be getting fed by women and taken care of by women. We don't say shit. But then, as soon as a girl does it, oh, she a gold digger. No, she just likes a good lifestyle and she wants a man to take care of her. What's so bad about that? Because here we come again. You're going to bring that oh, if I'm paying all the bills, then a woman should be in the kitchen and shit and all that. So what does that say about you? But then a girl who likes a good lifestyle and a man to take care of her, she are golden. Like, just see, she's not on your lane and go find somebody who's on your lane and that's perfectly fine, that's it. And also, women date people in your lane. Because I'll be damned if I'm dating somebody who I'm hustling way more than he is, because first he's a fucking man.

Speaker 2: 28:59

Okay, men are meant to be hustling, like men are meant to. In reality, we were taught men are meant to provide. But now you find women who, well, me, I don't care if you're constantly providing, I don't mind chipping in, like whenever we have those discussions, or 50-50 or whatever it's. Whatever we decide, don't let the society tell you, your man should pay all the bills and everything. You find a man, if that's the man you want, go find that. If you're okay with paying 50 50 with your man, go do that. Like that's the beauty about relationship you can make it whatever you want to cater to you and your needs. So I'm like if I'm hustling more and I'm getting drained, working nine to five on a job I hate, just so it can pay my bills and also help me build this brand I'm building and this business I'm building, and you ain't doing shit. We can't be together. I'm sorry, don't even talk to me.

Speaker 1: 29:55

Yeah, that's something I had to learn. The hard way was not matching up with people who wasn't doing as much as I was doing, but then also was expecting me to push them up, elevate them up in some type of way, even when it came down to just pouring in a whole bunch of time into them. Like I said, somebody who don't got too much going on and then they just too clingy. You don't mean their mama Right, that's what I was for a very long time. Somebody mama. It was terrible.

Speaker 2: 30:27

And I'm too grown to be somebody's mama. I still go to my dad for him to baby me. I will baby you if I see you putting in the work, because that's how love is we're supposed to pour on each other. But I'm not going to pour on you. If you're not doing shit, I'm sorry. You if you're not doing shit, I'm sorry, but if you're doing shit, I will be your fucking mother. If I see you grinding and nursing and building, I'll be your mother, I'll be your. Whatever you need me to be, I will be.

Speaker 1: 30:54

I feel that you said something, though like I feel kind of affects like women, like okay, you said you could still go to your daddy and he can help you, right. I know that's something I didn't have per se. My dad was there, but I didn't have that strong rapport with my dad. My dad wasn't that type of father so subconsciously I would get with guys who were super dismissive, similar to him, and I found myself trying to prove myself I am worthy of this love that I'm trying to get from somewhere because I wasn't getting it from home, believe it or not.

Speaker 2: 31:35

even for me, who had my dad available which I'm very grateful and I tell this to a lot of people like I battle with depression and I have thought about suicide the only reason I've never done it is because I don't want to put my dad through that. Like I can literally call my dad and talk about anything and everything and he'll find a way to help me, even if he doesn't have it right there. So for me that is like why put your father through this when you know you have that? Because some people don't have that. So sometimes that's the reminder I need.

Speaker 2: 32:06

But that doesn't mean relationship-wise I didn't have daddy issues as well. People assume that when you have your father full-time you don't have daddy issues, but they come in different ways. So my daddy issues are no offense. Offense. I hope my dad never listens to this.

Speaker 2: 32:25

My dad and he knows it is much a softer person, but, um, he got into marriage and having kids at a younger age. So I don't blame him, right, and when you're a kid you don't understand. But once you start growing up and actually going through stuff yourself, you get it and you actually start having those conversations. Because when you're a kid, you just get it and you actually start having those conversations because when you're a kid you just get angry and mad and they can't really talk to you to explain because you're a child.

Speaker 2: 32:49

So my dad was an asshole growing up but he loved me. He was an asshole but I was always on his side. I was his ride or die. When you talk about ride or die, he was my ride or die. No, you talk about ride or die, he was my ride or die, like no matter what. I know my dad is an asshole but I'm a ride with him kind of shit and he didn't do my mom right and me and my mom have a very fucked up relationship but she's still alive and I'm blessed to have her, however fucked up our relationship is. So all the men I ended up dating, especially this last one the one in 2020, and him and my dad get along so well because their characters.

Speaker 2: 33:30

So I dated people who had my dad's characters, but then they have been in souls. I think you should see what they are for me. I feel you.

Speaker 1: 33:44

I feel you, I feel, I feel you.

Speaker 2: 33:49

No, I feel you and even my friends tell me they're like Paula, your exes, when we look like they have similar features. But they don't all look alike. Some are tall, some are short, like not short, but like most of them are on six feet, like I like dating men who are six feet because I weigh his all the time and shit, but I've dated on five feet right, and some have been like I used to be like I want that hot guy, but now for some reason I'm into dad boards, like give me a dad bod, give me a big joon.

Speaker 1: 34:19

I need something. I need something for me. I need something that I can grab for real when I cuddle with you.

Speaker 2: 34:30

I don't want to feel the moms, I want to feel the emotions, yes. So my friends are like you have a type. I'm like what do you mean? I don't think I have a type and I'm trying here to show all my pictures of all my exes. They're not similar wise, but character wise. You fucking have a time. Oh, your exes are sweet and nice, but they are also fucking assholes. And I'm like, I know, I don't know why I keep picking assholes. So there we go.

Speaker 1: 35:03

Okay, got you.

Speaker 2: 35:06

No, let's take it back, cause I want to make sure we talk about your app, so share a little bit more about playing for kids up. Cause I haven't checked it out yet. Cause that's why I haven't applied yet, because because I came back and there was too much going and I want, when I really sit down to download it, I want to actually be in my mind like I'm doing this for the right way, not just doing it to get through it so that I can come on your show kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 35:35

So no, no, no, you know you are good um downloads. Right at the stage that I'm at right now, downloading and creating a profile is helpful to me anyway because I'm building and I'm pushing out marketing and the more people that's on the app in Atlanta. If people can find it through marketing and download it, it's going to help push the algorithm up.

Speaker 2: 35:56

Oh, then I'm definitely downloading it right after this conversation.

Speaker 1: 36:00

Yeah, so that helps me anyway. But a little bit about the app, kind of like what I was explaining. So when two people actually match, they have to play a game before they could message each other. Um, so I'm only looking for not me looking people who are intentional are only going to be interested in my app. So you, you can't just swipe and then when y'all match, I can just go to message each other, get y'all phone numbers. No, you have to play a game.

Speaker 1: 36:27

I got four different types of games. So one is based on attachment theory. So we all have an attachment style and it's developed and cultivated Like as soon as we're, like as soon as we're months into growing up, and there's four different types. I won't get too much into it, but there's the anxiously attached, there's the dismissive avoidant, there's the fearful avoidant and then there's the securely attached. So that's one compatibility game. Then I have one based on emotional intelligence. You play the scenario game with your match and you can see if the person is low, middle or high in emotional intelligence. Then I have the sexual compatibility game that two people can play and it's kind of based on, like, your sexual style. So if you're somebody who's like super adventurous. There's kind of a score for that If you're somebody who's adaptable, like you kind of go with the flow of whoever you're with Open-minded yeah, open-minded. And then there's also somebody who's like real reserved, kind of.

Speaker 3: 37:34

Vanilla baby.

Speaker 1: 37:36

Yeah, you will fall into a certain category. And then, lastly, there's like the I call it the love styles, but it's basically just showing you, through different scenario type questions, what your love language is. So you pick one game and for each game there's five questions. So you answer the five questions, your match has to answer the five questions, and then a compatibility score pops up and then y'all can message each other just like any other dating app. And then I have the podcast which we briefly spoke about within the app. Or I have people all over Atlanta. They come on, they tell a funny, crazy or lesson learned dating story and we'll dive into the story to get the lessons out of the story. And then I also invite therapists and dating coaches to come on the show as well so they can give us advice and tips on just how to end our toxic dating cycles here.

Speaker 2: 38:31

So I have an incredible dating story that I can't wait to come and show you. Baby, baby, baby. Like shout out to black men, even black women, who are out here just doing the damn thing, like go ahead, right. So, with that said, right, you also have a game show coming out. You wanna share a?

Speaker 1: 39:02

bit about that, okay, so I am still looking for men and women to sign up for my dating game show where, basically, we'll match two people, or even if you just starting to talk to somebody and you want to get to know them on a deeper level. So the dating game show that I have, it's kind of a card game that I've created, where two people get together and they play this quick card game. It probably will take about 20, 30 minutes and you'll get to know the person on a deeper level than you probably would on a first date. And after the game, if you like the person and after the game, if you like the person, we will pay for your first date. So that's a little bit about the dating game show. I've had plenty of women sign up. I think I've only had maybe one or two men and that's unequally balanced.

Speaker 2: 39:53

What specific men are you looking for? So, amy, I know that I have one. I did some work for you. I thought I found a perfect person for you, but then he's kind of still. I'm trying to still smooth him off Because he is African old school, so that could also be very tricky, Right?

Speaker 2: 40:19

Especially with it being like a show, especially with it being like a show, but he really is looking to not just date, but he wants a wife. Right now his intention is I'm dating with a purpose, I want to get married, I want a wife.

Speaker 1: 40:36

I'm not dating for dating he would love the dating game show because, yes, you want camera, but you're going to dig in and find out if this person Is for you and if you wanna, yeah, no team must stay and you get a free First date.

Speaker 2: 40:50

Do people pick the place or you guys pick the place? I?

Speaker 1: 40:55

got one restaurant that I have on board, but I also will give a gift card, okay ma'am, listen, I love cheesecake.

Speaker 2: 41:08

I was looking at that girl like please don't make me all this stupid and crazy out here, because have you, have you had the caramari at cheesecake? Have you had the? You spending money, yo, bro, and it's not that cheap. Like cheesecake is not cheap, okay no, it's not at all so now I'm not doing too much, especially for fucking first dates, like I would have taken you for coffee. Actually I walk in the park, you know people go for I like that actually.

Speaker 1: 41:39

Personally, I like walks in the parks and coffee because yeah, no, no, yeah. People getting killed and disappearing right, yeah, there's, don't do that. I'm also too big to be hiking. I'm not trying to hike.

Speaker 2: 41:52

I don't like hiking. Every time I read on a profile somebody says hiking, or they go to the gym five times a week or they have too many gym pictures. I know you're going to tell me one time to be like. You don't even go to the gym with me, or anytime I complain about a weight or something. That's why you should go to the gym with me. So now we're not about to do it swiping on you. I'm sorry. I will enjoy your gym pictures, but no I feel that but sorry, continue.

Speaker 2: 42:22

The men you're looking for for your dating all types of men, as you pointed out.

Speaker 1: 42:27

I have one, um. I have one guest who went ahead and filled out the form. She is looking for an African King. Okay, um, somebody who was from Africa, who has, you know, I guess, who has the values and all of that stuff. Um, yeah, that's what she's looking for. I think she anywhere between, um, I think it's thirties to forties, so anywhere in there, maybe mid forties, if I'm remembering right. Um, that's the only one that's specific, but every everything else is free range, free game. I'm trying to match people, um, and, like I say, if you got somebody that you kind of know already and you want to get to know them deeper, hit me up. I can set up a time for us to have y'all play this game.

Speaker 2: 43:15

Don't be out here saying it's hard on the streets. You have somebody who's willing to do the job for you and make it easier.

Speaker 2: 43:22

And to my African kings there's a woman who's seeking y'all out there, so go do the damn thing. And I feel like you know at one point right, this is no offense, but it's just the reality of life we, as Africans were being looked at some type of way. And then now, since most of the housewives have started dating Africans, so now everybody will be wanting an African man. We went from being less quiet on to now being like I want me an African man. Like the amount of friends who I have who are dating African men is ridiculous. And two days ago one of them posted something right, uh, actually it was posted on shade room and she reposted it and I love. She was like this is me, like they're talking about me because she now dates a nigerian man, but you know how people are not listening to afro beats. And then she's like everybody's listening like.

Speaker 2: 44:24

If you hear me playing and constantly listening to africa just now, I am fucking an african. And now I'm in this for real.

Speaker 1: 44:34

That's funny. Now I love my Nigerian brothers and sisters. I didn't have a good experience in the past, so I have a little PTSD personally. That's just me, though.

Speaker 2: 44:48

And that's just me, though. So, and that's the thing like with Nigerians, specifically because I went to school in Malaysia and I hanged out a lot with Nigerians, so I got to experience the good, the bad, the ugly. And when I was coming from UK, we had a group of Nigerian friends there, but these were, like you know, the high classclass Nigerians who went to good schools. They're Muslim families, they have money and they really do their religion serious, like Islam. So they don't drink as much, they don't party as much, but they rent cinemas, like they will rent a cinema in the movie theater for the whole day and just go in there and watch movies. They'll even buy the VIP section in a club and all the things, because they know we drink but they wouldn't, but they were nicer. So when I left that mentality, because I left UK going to Malaysia I went thinking that all Nigerians are amazing, because that's the Nigerians I experienced there.

Speaker 2: 45:44

Then I went to Malaysia and I got boomed with the lovers, the kind-hearted, the good souls, all types, all types. And then when I came to america, I was like I ain't fucking chilling with nigerians anymore, and especially when I hear oh yeah, there's this aj I met and he was in malaysia. I'm like don't talk about me, don't ask me and don't ever put me in the same area with him. No offense, I love you all, but I want to love you all from afar.

Speaker 1: 46:21

So you can relate a little bit. Yeah, I didn't have it.

Speaker 2: 46:24

Even in Malaysia they started being racist to Africans because of the things Nigerians were doing. So Nigerians makes all these people hate Africans. Because, also, I hate when people consider Africa like a country but it's a continent. So don't tell us all Africans are the same, Because, no, call Nigerians, that's West. I'm Tanzanian, that's East. Like we are fucking different, we don't talk the same language, we are in different times. Don't include me, but sadly that's the world we live in.

Speaker 2: 46:53

Any country you're going to go, you're going to experience the good people, the bad people. I lived in UK. I experienced more love outside of London than London. I hated London and I grew up in London and people were mean, People were sad. It was literally depressing city. I went to France. I hated Paris because people were just mean and rude. But then I went to Toulouse, south of France, and people were nice and welcoming and I had a good experience that we have friends with cafe owners on Facebook who they keep on messaging us when are you coming back? So I feel like every place they're always going to be the you remember that saying the rotten apple, the original apple.

Speaker 2: 47:35

Yeah it sounds like that. Just like in your family, like there's going to be that one child, who's very good, and that one child who's not? So it is what it is. You got to take the good and just fuck off the bad Facts, but I get it giving you PTSD depending on the experience you've had. Right, it affects differently and works itself differently.

Speaker 1: 48:02

That's something I would try again, though Like I just after that. I ain't had no opportunity, and then, when I do, I think I did Like I met. I almost met somebody else off of the dating app that was Nigerian, and then I changed my mind because I don't know.

Speaker 2: 48:17

Are you going to use your own dating app once you decide to come back?

Speaker 1: 48:21

I think so. Yeah, I think so. You know, I got to test it out. Well, test it out more with the people and get thoughts and all of that stuff. So yeah, I think so I'm on there now.

Speaker 2: 48:32

I'm on there now. I mean you have to because it's just to kind of just feel the I'm on every dating app, but am I dating? No, really. Actually, I use my dating app to promote my podcast and I also get a lot of listeners also guests to come on my show because of my dating app and people. I get a lot of listeners, also guests, to come on my show because of my dating app and people were literally thinking I was joking until I started screenshotting and showing and they're like are you fucking kidding me? I'm like, yeah, if I'm already on these dating apps and I'm not meeting people.

Speaker 2: 49:01

Might as well promote my fucking podcast.

Speaker 2: 49:03

I need to get with you on that, because somebody else was telling me that I was like nah, that seems kind of shady but you know whatble used to be much better than tinder and okay, it used to be there, but now I feel like all of them are just the fucking same. So I mean, if I meet a connection cool and I've met people who it wasn't a love connection but it was a deeper connection of friendship or working together or collaborating together. So these days I just leave it in there for whatever connection it brings me, because I am literally not seeking love. I want love to find me. I feel like when God thinks I'm ready for that person, they'll bring to me.

Speaker 2: 49:44

But until now I'm just having fun and using the app or whatever fucking I want to use before, for which is promoting my podcast. I feel that I do. Yep, you got to do what you got to do. You know you got to market it anywhere, henny, whatever places you can. So go, put yourself on those dating apps and promote your podcast, and actually you have a podcast and a dating app. You have a podcast and a dating app. You can promote those to make people know that if this app ain't working for you, I know the app that will work for you fact, you know what I'm going to do, that I'm going to be bold today.

Speaker 1: 50:21

That's going to be another project I'm going to do. You see, we have each other.

Speaker 2: 50:25

I have to go download your app and get myself in there and you have to go download all those apps and get get myself in there and you have to go download all those apps and get your podcast in there. Period, we have Ildi here. Oh my god, I owe Ildi a call to know. Paula is to love. Oh my god, I love that. Thank you so much. So, before we come to an end of this right, you were talking about heal the inner child, check their ego and take accountability for their toxic dating cycles. So why is that so important in cause? You know, most people really don't care when they create dating apps who are trying to actually date people. They think about the dollar sign they don't care about. Like you don't see people talking about healing your inner child in a dating app or other. So why was those three things important for you, especially with your upcoming game show?

Speaker 1: 51:21

I got you. So, um, for me, like I said, the dudes would drag me through the ringer. Okay, and for the longest I didn't put two and two together that it had a lot to do with my childhood, a lot to do with my mother and my father. Wounds, you know things that I saw that I thought relationships were supposed to be. So I didn't put those two things together until, um, I got hurt and I feel like a lot of us don't, right, and we're constantly complaining about um, oh, the, the, the dating pool has P in it, this, that and the third.

Speaker 1: 51:57

But at the end of the day, we have to be accountable for what we do and how we play in the relationships as well. And majority of the time when we do that, whether you're the good person or the bad person or whatever, because I know for me, like I said, I was the one always doing, doing, doing, doing, doing in the relationship. So I thought, well, I'm the good girl, you know what I'm saying. But for me, the deeper lesson was okay, but you didn't have to be the good girl to those people.

Speaker 2: 52:24

You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1: 52:25

Yeah, yeah, and being mistreated. But due to my childhood and watching my mother and father relationship dynamic, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. So I just wanted to bring that out into the world, like as far as okay if I can peel back my own layers and learn to heal, because I'm still healing, because there's a lot more to my story. I wanted to help others and I wanted to help others through the dating app. So, um, that's kind of my why really just wanted to to help people understand that we all play a part in this and it's not just toxic because of the other person. How can you learn to heal for yourself so you can choose better, you know so and that's the truth.

Speaker 2: 53:11

Thank you, I appreciate you doing that, because that's why. That's why I also decided to take a break and actually work on myself and realize that it can't be all their fault. And that's the thing, whether it's in relationship or friendship, when somebody's always coming, being the person who's arguing with everybody right you can't blame everybody.

Speaker 2: 53:32

You gotta look at yourself like so, even if I'm the one breaking up with them. But why weren't it working like I needed to to search deeper and find out? Where am I going wrong or what am I expecting that I don't know? Or who do I? Who am I really am all those things. So I appreciate you doing that and I'm looking forward to checking you out. So thank you so much for hanging out with me today. This was so much fun and I'm definitely gonna have you back because I feel like we have so much more to talk about, but I will be on your podcast before I have you back. That way, we balance and are equal. Before we go, let the people know where they can find you, what they can expect from you. This is the time to share whatever projects you have, all your social medias and how they can connect with you Got you.

Speaker 1: 54:21

You can find me on all platforms at Playing4Keeps app, that's on Instagram, tiktok, twitter, even though I'm not active on there. Um, you can find me at those, those three platforms, mainly. Um what I got going on right now. I'm always doing podcasts, so if you want to come on my podcast, it is in person. So if you're in Atlanta, you're interested? Um follow me on Instagram, message me. I'm always responsive in my DMs.

Speaker 1: 54:50

And yes, and then I got the dating game show that I'm still trying to build up and film. So if you're single, or maybe you just met somebody and you want a fun activity to do, hit me up as well. That's something that I can coordinate too. So, and then also just trying to get the app out there and grow it. So that's what I got going on right now.

Speaker 2: 55:11

Good. I want to give people the opportunity to introduce themselves, talk about what they, what they're doing and ask for what help they need, cause that's necessary in community. You never know somebody. That help that you need is right there in the room, but because we're not picking it out, you're not going to get it. I always say this closed mouths don't get fed. So I'm always talking about what I'm going through, what I need help, because somebody out there is listening and will help.

Speaker 2: 55:39

So thank you for hanging out with me. By the way, do you people know that when me and her connected and then she even applied to? She filled out to come on here. I was connected and then she even applied to? Uh, she filled out to come on here. I was like, wait a minute, I don't know what your name is because she uses. I was like, sorry, but what, what's your name? Like it was.

Speaker 2: 55:58

It's not something you want to ask people. It's like you know when you had sex with somebody and then in the morning you're like did we even exchange names, right? So thank you for giving me that moment. But for everybody who was live and watching, thank you for hanging out with us. Hildy, thank you for tuning in For all those who are going to watch the replay thank you for watching and if you know anybody who is looking into, who is single and ready to mingle, and if you know an African king out there who needs that push, because sometimes people I mean dating can scar people right. That's why sometimes we get out of it. So push your friends, Like give them a little push and apply for them to come on the game.

Speaker 3: 56:43

They'll have fun.

Speaker 2: 56:45

And so until then, I will be back at 6 p Shannon and we will be honoring Lee, who we just lost on Valentine's Day. So until then, keep tuning in to. Shit Happens when Shit Always Happens.

Speaker 3: 57:00

Peace, thank you, shit happens, shit happens.

Speaker 2: 57:37

Shit happens.